The first time I ever wrote a blog post was in February 2013, as a guest blogger for my friend’s blog, The Last Year of Earthly Things. He nagged me for months to start writing, and while it took me another 18 months before starting Discovering Ratchet, the experience of guest blogging helped me overcome some of my fears.

Y’all should check him out. Some of my favorite posts from his blog are:

• “Hi, I’m an asshole and I add letters to wordsss”
• “Excuse me. Can I tip you in boob dollars?”
• What’s up, Squirt?

Enough about him. Behold, my very first blog post:

 

Valentine’s Day – A Single Girl’s Thoughts

When you’re single, Valentine’s Day is a front-runner for the worst holiday of the year. Unlike Christmas or Easter or even Canada Day, you still have to go to work. Without a significant other, you don’t even get presents. There’s no material advantage whatsoever.

Every Valentine’s day since I’ve been single, and someone hears of my dislike of the day, I am the target of knowing glances and smirks. Which makes me defensive. Can’t a single girl dislike Valentine’s day without the accusation of being “bitter and single”? Well, actually, no. I am bitter and single. Primarily because while single, it is impossible to spin Valentine’s day into a day about ME. Birthday? My day. Christmas? I get presents. Easter? Baby Jesus died so I get chocolate. Halloween? Skanks and chocolate. All of those things that make me happy. Valentine’s day? I’m single, so no free chocolate for me.

Do I sound obsessed with chocolate? I think it’s a healthy obsession.

I also find it worrisome that couples need a specific day to celebrate their love (what happens in the remaining 364 days of the year?). Don’t get me wrong. I condone the idea of celebrating love, but I prefer weddings – a big-ass party, celebrating two people’s commitment to their love. Falling in love is hard, and maintaining & fostering that love is even harder – it deserves to be celebrated, for it really is an accomplishment. Also weddings are a valid excuse to dress up pretty, flirt with the best man, and dance awkwardly on a dance floor in front of the in-laws. MUCH more entertaining than Valentine’s day.

Maybe if Cupid took a marketing class or two, and re-branded Valentine’s day, it wouldn’t sit so badly with most of the male population and the entire single girl population. Cupid, just because you are cute and cuddly, and kinda bad-ass with your bow & arrow, it doesn’t mean you can slack off. Brand management is a pretty big deal, nowadays! Valentine’s Day needs to be sexed up.

An attempt at this has been made by the modern man with Steak and Blowjob day – taking place on March 14th, one month after V Day – which has its perks as it increases everyone’s protein intake. But that day misses some of the magical festive feel that all other holidays have. I propose that the inherent problem with these 2 holidays is that by their very nature, they limit the party to only two people. It’s hard to get a mass party going when it then breaks down into couples of two and excludes a broad swathe of the population, i.e. single people. Unless the party is an orgy. Then that party model works just fine. However, orgies are not easily marketable to the mass population. Therefore, I think Valentine’s day should just be a pink version of Halloween, where girls get to dress up as sluts, eat chocolate and men ogle them happily. EVERYBODY wins and children can just focus on the socially acceptable aspects (pink and candy). Cupid, you are welcome.

I’m off to get some chocolate.

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Present-day addendum: It both amuses and disconcerts me to see just how much of the above post is still relevant today, even though I wrote it two full years ago (original post: here). I suppose this indicates a certain stability of character and personality – unless it is an indication that my life has been stuck in a rut for the past 730 days.

Some questions shouldn’t be answered. I’m off to get some chocolate.