My friend Tabernoush (so named because he is a Québécois who was born with the skill of swearing colourfully and pungently, all the time) is in town, visiting from Australia. I joined him, Blond ‘Fro and Roomie1 for a couple of beers last night.
Following the hellos and the hugs, Tabernoush got straight to the point, “Vanilla, what is THAT?” “That” was a pimple, the size of GMO-enhanced green pea, on my eyebrow. I’ve been self-consciously hiding it behind my glasses and bangs all week, trusting in everyone’s tact and lack of attention to details. Tabernoush has neither of those qualities.
Much to the amusement of Blond ‘Fro, Roomie1 and the barman, Tabernoush asked to touch the super-pimple, promising he wouldn’t try pop it. He didn’t try, but that might have been due to my promise to him that I would punch him for realsies if he tried, and Blond ‘Fro’s eager exclamation, “Oh boy, that would be fun!”
During the second beer, after a heated discussion as to whether or not “lady-pint” is an acceptable euphemism for “half-pint” (conclusion: it’s not and I should just drink a full pint, always), Tabernoush blurted out, as though compelled, “Vanilla, your shoes are hideous!”
I tried explaining that they were hideous because of the contrast with my black tights; that I was only wearing the black tights because Mother Nature forgot that it was supposed to be a warm springtime and temperatures had dropped to the single digits. “Still hideous.” I further justified my decision to wear these shoes by explaining they were my walking shoes, to and from the office – chosen for comfort, not for style – and that my real shoes at the office, chosen for fashion, were black, high-heeled and just fine, thankyouverymuch! “But Vanilla, you aren’t at the office now, you are at a bar. And if you wear shoes that ugly, it’s no wonder you are still single!”
Ouch.
To my amusement, I am not wearing those offensive shoes on my way to work this morning. And I maintain that they are not hideous when worn with jeans.
And they are especially awesome because I got them on sale, for $12.
But they are less awesome if they are the root cause of my singleness. Thanks, Tabernoush, for saving me from myself.
They are absolutely not hideous and I like them with the tights more than with jeans.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha!!!! Thank you. We can now be best friends.
LikeLike
Woot! I’m wearing my golden sparkly flats right now. SO comfortable, yet stylish.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have a pair like that too!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sole mates.
LikeLike
Oh dear.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I personally like them better with the jeans, but I agree with FitsofWit… they are certainly not hideous! I’m currently rocking black and white ballet flats (that I bought on sale) because comfort trumps fashion every day of the week. And discounted comfort? Even better!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know what this says about me but I LOVE the shoes!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are doomed to be a spinster cat lady.
I love them too. But maybe not with the grey dress and black tights.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love them with the jeans and don’t hate them with the dress. Personally, I’d be worried about any guy who didn’t choose to date me based on my footwear…
LikeLike
Tabernoush explained to me that as a single girl, my footwear should cause a guy to say “hi! Nice shoes! Wanna fuck?” Instead of “Hi! Niii… Oh never mind.”
I tried explaining that A) I am vanilla and B) I look for other criteria than good taste in shoes in my potential partners, but he explained to me that I was wrong.
Now I know?
LikeLike
If he can say an opinion, so could we:I really like your shoes…not sexy, but cute for walking. Have a good week 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person