It begins normally. It always does.
He would have gotten bonus points had he found my cape comment amusing. I am whimsical. Appreciate that!!
I’ve written at length about my pet peeve – my boxing pictures on my online dating profile triggers (unconscious) gender bias in many of the guys that message me. I’ve also been told that I am oversensitive about this topic. That is why I decided to accept Tinder dude’s explanation about “women with agency and personal power”. I did wonder why he secretly wanted a kick-ass girlfriend – no one who sincerely wishes to have an assertive and independent girlfriend feels that is a wish that should be kept secret. But, since I am renowned for being très judgmental, I did not point out that inconsistency, and waited to see where the conversation would go.
Nope, not really. I think that was pretty rude, bro. Asking me what type of feminism I subscribe to, only to then tell me that the entire movement is misguided/wrong/harmful is an unsubtle way of letting me know that he doesn’t actually care about my opinion but really is looking for opportunities to bash feminism. The fact that I disagree with his assessment of the modern feminism movement is irrelevant.
At this point, it was abundantly clear that he in no way cares about my opinion. NO, I AM NOT INTERESTED. Trying to point out how my opinion contradicts the supposed behaviour of all feminists (because obviously, we act as one unit – seeing as we all have agency and personal power!) is not going to change my level of interest in Tinder Dude. In fact, I suspect Tinder Dude enjoys deliberately negating the opinions of girls like myself who could kick his ass. This stinks of more than just the usual gender bias – this has all the makings of a guy to whom emotional abuse is a fun pass-time, and who views passive aggressive behaviour as a strategic skill, rather than a failing.
The conversation lasted a bit longer. My favorite part came near the end of our exchange:
Of course he was.
While this Tindersation was ongoing, I stumbled upon this article about Tinder’s co-founder Whitney Wolfe.
For Wolfe, the episode served as a crash course in feminism. ‘I’m going to be honest,’ she says. ‘Up until I started work on Bumble, the “f-word” scared me. People would ask me if I was a feminist and I didn’t know how to respond. The word seemed to put guys off, but now I realise, who cares?’
I certainly don’t.
Discovering ratchet 
“But you’re a feminist. That’s exactly what THEY do.”
Look at him. Grouping us all together. Yet I’m sure he hates when men are all grouped together as stereotypical assholes.
You dodged a bullet.
Also, as a married female, I find Tinder conversations fascinating! Do you follow Tinder Nightmares on Insta? Golden stuff right there.
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No I didn’t, but I do now!!! Weeeee! Group Instatherapy!!!
There are so many inconsistencies in that convo, it boggled the mind. My mind actually stopped working.
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By the way. I wanted to thank you for suggesting the Tinder Nightmares feed on Instagram. It sooths my outraged soul.
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You’re so lucky to have the opportunity to screen before meeting in person. Seriously, this however-long text exchange likely saved you a good 2 dates in real life. And by good I really mean bad.
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But think of all the blog content that might’ve been generated from those dates!!
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He was asking for a left hook
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Imma nick name my left hook “agency” and my right hook “personal power”.
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Tattoo on each knuckle?
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“Pity” and “Fool”
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“Why” and “Me?”
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Hahaha this guy is awesome. He’s probably the type who wonders why he’s single, and with those conversational skills, who could blame him…
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I ask myself why I am single all the time… I *think* my conversation skills are aight.
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Sounds like you have those skills squared away lol
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Well, if you stick with that guy, you’ll have no doubts about how great they are…
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Strong incentive.
But, ummmm, no. I unmatched myself from him. Tinder shut-down!
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In your face patriarchy.
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Wow he’s “smooth”, what a dumb ass.
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What a pompous ass! He set you up, just to tear you down. Male issues. Really? Really? I just cant.
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Bof. I knew it was headed towards choppy waters as soon as the boxing comments happened.
I just wanted to see how ridiculous the scenario could be. Turns out, very.
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I normally say to my friends they don’t need Tinder to meet great people, but I see that conversations on tinder can be hilarious. Do you actually find good guys on there? Keep up the boxing and keep on blogging in a free world – The False Prophet
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Well… I am mainly on tinder because I know there is so much potential for blog content. But yes, I have been on a few dates with some normal, decent, cute guys from tinder – they are the exception, not the norm!
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If I had more time, I’d join tinder and have some of those great conversations, too. I can see how they can be a great inspiration. How long have you boxed? I am more of a martial artist myself. Have a prophet-able day.
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Hahahaha!!! So terrible, so awesome.
Boxed: 2.5 years. Kickboxed (Savate = French boxing): 4 years, before boxing. I love watching UFC, but am sticking to boxing. I like limiting the variables I work with.
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Clearly, the guy was looking to either belittle or “domesticate” a strong, assertive woman.
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Wish there was more time to read all the blogs out there. This was great. Terrible, but great.
Saw you’d visited my current post (thanks!) and was coincidence, ’cause thought of you today–Dorothy Chandler Pavilion called offering me big discount on sh#tty season seats to the ballet, or top seats I can’t afford. I really wanna see The Firebird, which was among the first I saw at Lincoln Center when five (saw Swan Lake, Firebird, and a really, really STUPID western thing it makes me want to scratch out my eyes and ears to even remember a tiny moment of). Would like to see the Taiwanese company visiting, too. What’s a poor person to do? I’m leaning toward just one good seat for The Firebird.
Better luck next time, Tinder Queen. I had no idea the younger guys were as douche-tastic as those in my age-range on the old-fart dating sites.
🙄
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Oooh, never seen the Firebird!
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American Ballet Theatre, so it will be
athleticdramatic>!😀
If I manage to make it, I’ll let you know how it was.
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I really like ABT. They’ve got some sweet dancers. Polina Semionova is to die for!
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This time, I will likely be only at a matinee, so… But we shall see.
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Also, glad to hear from you! I dunno if it is bc of my wordpress reader on my phone, or bc I only log in every 2-3 days, but I’d been missing your posts. Glad I caught yesterday’s!
Also, I dunno if you say my post a while back “That time I blushed watching ballet”, but if you didn’t, the YouTube video in there might blow your mind. It blew mine – and I think it is the perfect video to convert anyone into a ballet lover.
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I will come back later and read and watch. Thank you! Having trouble with my fingers this morning.
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Y’know, if I used this in a novel, I’d have to tone it down to make it work. Unless, of course, I wanted to create a kind of archetype of assholedom.
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Haha, I was just about to recommend you read my post “I quit (online dating)”… For further examples of stranger than fiction assholery.
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Just to clarify–although I doubt I need to–I was talking about him, not you.
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