Ok, so fine. I love Alphonse Le Comptable. And fine, I am aware that I am slightly unusual in granting him such a huge presence in our very corporate, serious finance department. Most grownups do not invent complete personalities for stuffed animals, at least, not publicly. I think my coworkers found me cute at first, then odd when my infatuation didn’t end. Granted, it is odd. But what can I do? Alphonse makes me smile.

Bacon

Yesterday morning I joined 3 of my coworkers for coffee, in our company cafeteria. However, when I met with them, they were each in the process of ordering themselves a huge breakfast platter: eggs and bacon and sausage and ham and hashbrowns and toast, oh my! So much food. I decided to stick to my coffee, so as to leave room for jellybeans later in the day (#savvydieting).

One of my coworkers kindly offered me a piece of his bacon. A GIFT OF BACON!!! That, my friends, is a sign of selfless generosity. Did I ever mention that I work in the best company in the world? No? Well, I do. Bacon brings everyone together.  The moment of truth

I texted Nene, a notable foodie, to tell him of this bacontastic work environment. “Nene, I have the best coworker ever! He gave me some of his bacon! Isn’t that the greatest thing you ever heard?” I expected Nene to make noises of jealousy and/or approval. Instead, he replied, “Vanilla, I’m worried for you at this point.” Confused, I asked why? “This whole lobster thing!”

I never thought I would have to specify that I am capable of differentiating between human and stuffed lobster.

#thisiswhyimsingle

#catladyaintmystyle

#stuffedlobsterladyindahouse

#thatbacontho