Tinderpersonations: 3 players, 3 fails

Let’s play a game. Which of the following 3 scenarios was actually conducted by me on Tinder? One of these matches/convos was done by me, one of these was done by Dynamo and one was done by GTC (short for “Good Taste in Clothes”, a close friend of Brown Socks and Dynamo. He was also present at Brown Socks’ bachelor party, and was the guy responsible for buying the nice shirt that Brown Socks had to ruin with ladies’ signatures).

Case study 1

Tinder dave

That is the extent of that convo, to this day.

Case study 2

basel tinder

This pick up line should not be confused with the highly successful, “Excuse me, pardon my insolence, but I just had to tell you that you have a beautiful forehead. The transition from your eyebrows to your hairline is enviable!” **

** Apparently, I need to be honest and give credit for this masterful pickup line to my friend Bballer. Consider it henceforth copyrighted. Use it at your own risk.

Case study 3 

ca va tinder

Translation (I recommend noticing the timeline and degree of punctuation of this convo.)

Matthew: Hey how’s it going

Matthew: Hey

“Vanilla”: Hi!

Matthew: How’s it going

“Vanilla”: Fine, however I’m not particularly excited by this convo. A slow-mover, are you? Trying to not scare me away by being over-eager, right?


Using this sample to form a reasonable conclusion, I extrapolate that everyone, even normal girls and guys like Dynamo, GTC and me, everyone miserably fails at Tinder.



  1. The third one had me in stitches. Only thing once than boring or persistent is persistently boring. Have you seen the my life in finders instagram account? It has some real corkers.

    Liked by 1 person

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