Remember Brad? Of course you don’t. Let me refresh your memory.

Back when I was online dating in 2012-2014, I went on a stranger-than-fiction date with Brad, putting myself in a situation where I could easily have been raped, but luckily that wasn’t Brad’s particular fetish (for the entire saga, click this link). I’ve wisened up a lot since then.

Brad, however, is a persistent dude. Every 9-12 months he resurfaces, sending me an email asking how I am doing. Most recently, today.

Where are you???

Happy New Year!

Y’all. Our date was in May 2013. Almost 5 years ago. Why? Why is he still trying, albeit not very hard? He takes the whole “Minimum Possible Investment” notion to a whole new level!

No, I’ve never emailed him back since our date. And no, this is definitely not how I anticipated my first blog post of 2018 to be.





  1. Just yesterday I read an article in the newspaper (yes, I read those things…but the article is online) about the same topic. I wrote the author of the piece because I am planning on doing some online dating this year. Everyone is encouraging me, and everyone knows of some success story. Then of course they tell me the bad stories.
    I am sure it will be an adventure.
    Here is the article I read. I am not trying to interfere with your site, so feel free to delete the link.
    It is a good read however,


    1. I totally encourage you to try. I know several couples that have found enduring happiness (long term commitments, marriage) via online dating. My personal experience, however, has been rather bleak, and I’ve lost all taste for it.

      I’ll definitely check out the link! Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I had to tell a guy that I took a job outside of the country to get him to leave me alone. Turns out he was married anyway. His wife loved the e-mails I sent to her when I discovered he was a cheater. Then that onslaught of e-mails started … “why did you ruin my marriage??!!?!” lmao … oh, men.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As a guy, I have a clue as to why guys do this, and while the whole minimum investment notion is probably a good one for women to see what’s going on and move on when a guy is just stringing them along, I think men wouldn’t see it that way for emails and texts long after any real-life contact.

    I think guys just every now and then find themselves completely single (sometimes just after a breakup, other times just by timing) and then our minds wander to the ones that got away, that we managed to scare off or mess up any chance, and we figure “why not?”. Time has passed, water under the bridge and all that, so we’ll send a random text, email or whatnot, in the hope that this time maybe she’s free, maybe she’s lonely as well and might be open to grabbing coffee, and maybe I’ll get another chance, etc. I’ve had a couple of occasions where I more or less lost track of girls after a friendly enough breakup and later on (2-4 years) dated. In my case, I thought there was a bit of good karma there, in that I took the breakups with grace, which meant the door wasn’t slammed shut for the future.

    (Or maybe he’s just hoping for a random hookup while cheating on his pregnant wife as well as his mistress, I won’t put that past a lot of guys.)

    The plus side for a woman getting this kind of message, is that you were interesting enough for him to keep you in mind for years later. For all we know, he’s thinking you might have been *the one* and he’s feeling guilty for trying to get a 1-night stand out of it when he should’ve been taking it slow and trying to get to know you. A girl who would’ve truly been a 1-night stand will be gone from his mind quickly enough, but somehow one mediocre (for you) evening made its mark for him to keep you in mind 5 years later.

    I guess to me his desperation could also kind of be seen as flattering (towards you).

    Liked by 1 person

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