I’ve struggled with my depression for a long time. But something changed with this latest one. Maybe because it was long – almost a full year. Maybe because it was so bad. Maybe because I’ve finally accepted, truly accepted, that I cannot fight this battle on my own. That to try do so is to put myself at risk of a premature death, and to place an incredible burden on those who love me.

So. I’m seeking out help. I am owning my mental health. I am learning to accept what this means, and continuing to fight relentless for my right to know peace and happiness.

Sliding down the rabbit hole in 2017

• June 2017: Maybe I need a selfie stick?
• July 2017: Some shadows can’t be beat
• July 2017: It starts with the eyes
• July 2017: A different kind of color blind
• August 2017: Coloring when color blind
• September 2017: Depression and exit strategies… the Holy Grail of depression sufferers
• October 2017: How you doing? Oh, just like Rachmaninoff’s 2nd piano concerto
• November 2017: Rough patch
• December 2017: Blond depression
• January 2017: A beautiful pivot
• January 2017: Professional heart emoji
• January 2017: Beauty and ginga in Paris

The doctor and the diagnosis that changed everything in 2018

• February 2018: A moment of reckoning
• March 2018: Phase 1 feels like capitulation
• March 2018: Phase 2 feels like consternation
• March 2018: Phase 3 feels like humility
• April 2018: Phase 4 feels like resignation
• April 2018: Children, tho!
• May 2018: Phase 5 feels like accountability
• May 2018: Phase 6 feels like mourning and confusion
• May 2018: Little gifts
• June 2018: All of the colors in Paris
• June 2018: Phase 7 feels like a reawakening
• July 2018: Is this how it’s supposed to be?
• July 2018: 3 words that produced an emotional hangover
• Aug 2018: Suicide is rational